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Are you having the impact you want?

Angie Monko - Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Do you consider yourself an aware person?

What if there were a continuum, and on one end of that
line was Oblivious/Self-Absorbed and on the other end
was Conscious/Self-Aware. Where would you fall?

We all have blind spots, myself included. Today, I had
two interactions back to back where I felt confused,
misunderstood and frustrated. In my experience, these are
good indicator emotions of not being aware of some
character trait that causes us suffering.

One person said she didn’t feel safe to discuss politics with
me because I questioned a statement she made. I said that
it wasn’t proof of someone being a good leader/man even if
they had raised a successful daughter.

The next person (my husband) took this phrase, “Is there
anything else?” as an indication that I was rushing him along.

The result? I wanted to defend myself and explain that wasn’t
my intention at all in either case.  I didn’t want to make her
feel unsafe, and I didn’t want to make him feel unimportant.

What really frustrates me the most is that I’m not pleased with
my impact, regardless of my intention.

Here is my trigger. When I feel judged unfairly and/or misunderstood,
I react in fear and defend.  So how might I have had a better
impact?
 
Even though what they were “projecting” onto me wasn’t
accurate because I believe I AM a safe place to discuss various 
points of view without judging, and I believe I AM a good listener 
who was willing to hear more of what Steve had to say and truly 
wasn’t rushing him off the phone, they perceived me otherwise 
based on their own beliefs and experiences. 

Was this my fault? No, because someone else’s perception is
not our responsibility.

Maybe the question isn’t whose fault it is. Perhaps there is a 
deeper question here. Am I having the impact I desire in my 
interactions? If the answer is no, my bias is that means I need
to change my ways, no matter how unfair it seems. Ugh!

The thought may be coming to your mind, “But why should I have 
to be the one to change? It’s not fair!”

No matter how difficult this truth is, WE are the common 
denominator in all of our interactions. Do we notice a pattern
that isn’t flattering?

I noticed that I could have reacted more humbly than I did.  I just 
bought this little sign at a craft fair this past weekend, “Always stay
humble and kind.”
 
The less “reserves” we have in our energy and stability bank 
account, the less likely we’ll be able to react calmly and rationally
and be humble and kind.

Personally, I didn’t have many reserves because I’d had little
alone time over the last 4 days, and that is how I replenish my
tank, by being alone.

Defending myself, whether I’m right or not, is not an act of 
humility.  It’s an act of fear.  What am I afraid of?  When I feel
insecure about who I am, how much I’m accomplishing, how 
much I’m supported, how much I’m giving or receiving, you name
it, I’m much more vulnerable to reacting defensively.

And the folks around me “mirror” this insecurity back to me.
It’s not very attractive, but it IS human.

On those days when we feel like “the world is against us,”
let’s look at our self-care habits.  Are we allowing ourselves the time
to be quiet and introspective? Are we honestly communicating
what we need, or are we in fear of doing so because we
might hurt someone’s feelings or appear selfish?

So on those days we feel dazed, confused, frustrated, misunderstood,
I think it’s important that we look at two things:

1) Are we taking good care of ourselves on all levels of being,
physical, emotional, mental and spiritual? If not, we may 
need to replenish our energy through good self-care so we 
can be more kind and humble with ourselves and others.

2) Do we have a “blind spot” about our own nature, that we
are afraid to look at because we’re making it mean that 
somehow we’re inadequate, not enough? Hint: since we are
the common denominator in all of our interactions, what are
those encounters trying to tell us? What do WE need to 
change to feel good about ourselves?

These are tough questions, but much better ones than whose fault
anything is or who will get credit for something. Trying like heck to be
right and/or not wrong is a fruitless effort that results in little reward,
except to be alone in our rightness at the end of the day.

Whatever part of me created the perception of suffering in my friend
and Steve, I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you. For 
more information on this phrase, google Ho’oponopono.

What I teach isn’t easy, and it will leave your EGO feeling bruised,
at least temporarily. It will also create deep connection and long-lasting
friendship. It IS worth it.
  
My gift and passion is in helping others find their true north and what 
makes them tick. I am excited to help them find their “blind spots,” not to 
humiliate them, but to guide them to their brilliance and strengths.
I’ve created a monthly class called Frontier to Your Freedom, to help
you replace harmful habits with empowering ones. 

We will use emotional freedom technique (or tapping) to clear out
blocks to your best self, raise awareness, increase your odds of taking
good care of yourself, to ensure your happiest and most fulfilled life.

Register here for tomorrow evening’s class (October 18th) from 6-8pm.

“I gave this class a 10 because it made me realize that opening up can 
help break down “false walls” and dig deeper to the root issue.” Gia D

“I believe that tapping literally resets your brain, which is priceless!” Matthew Z

“I love the community energy. It helped me move through some anxiety
with my emotions/fears/beliefs.” Chelsea D

We still have a few spots left. Invite a friend too.


Respectfully,


Angie Monko


P.S.: If you want to build your self-care muscle and focus
on your strengths, come tomorrow night to the Frontier to
Freedom class. 


P.P.S.: Stay tuned for next week’s blog in which we will 
continue the discussion on how to build healthy relationships
with yourself and others. 

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