Are you having the impact you want?
Do you consider yourself an aware person?
What if there were a continuum, and on one end of that line was Oblivious/Self-Absorbed and on the other end was Conscious/Self-Aware. Where would you fall?
We all have blind spots, myself included. Today, I had two interactions back to back where I felt confused,
misunderstood and frustrated. In my experience, these are good indicator emotions of not being aware of some character trait that causes us suffering.
One person said she didn’t feel safe to discuss politics with me because I questioned a statement she made. I said that it wasn’t proof of someone being a good leader/man even if they had raised a successful daughter.
The next person (my husband) took this phrase, “Is there anything else?” as an indication that I was rushing him along.
The result? I wanted to defend myself and explain that wasn’t my intention at all in either case. I didn’t want to make her feel unsafe, and I didn’t want to make him feel unimportant.
What really frustrates me the most is that I’m not pleased with my impact, regardless of my intention.
Here is my trigger. When I feel judged unfairly and/or misunderstood, I react in fear and defend. So how might I have had a better impact?
Even though what they were “projecting” onto me wasn’t accurate because I believe I AM a safe place to discuss various points of view without judging, and I believe I AM a good listener who was willing to hear more of what Steve had to say and truly wasn’t rushing him off the phone, they perceived me otherwise
based on their own beliefs and experiences.
Was this my fault? No, because someone else’s perception is not our responsibility.
Maybe the question isn’t whose fault it is. Perhaps there is a deeper question here. Am I having the impact I desire in my interactions? If the answer is no, my bias is that means I need to change my ways, no matter how unfair it seems. Ugh!
The thought may be coming to your mind, “But why should I have to be the one to change? It’s not fair!”
No matter how difficult this truth is, WE are the common denominator in all of our interactions. Do we notice a pattern that isn’t flattering?
I noticed that I could have reacted more humbly than I did. I just bought this little sign at a craft fair this past weekend, “Always stay humble and kind.”
The less “reserves” we have in our energy and stability bank account, the less likely we’ll be able to react calmly and rationally and be humble and kind.
Personally, I didn’t have many reserves because I’d had little alone time over the last 4 days, and that is how I replenish my tank, by being alone.
Defending myself, whether I’m right or not, is not an act of humility. It’s an act of fear. What am I afraid of? When I feel insecure about who I am, how much I’m accomplishing, how much I’m supported, how much I’m giving or receiving, you name it, I’m much more vulnerable to reacting defensively.
And the folks around me “mirror” this insecurity back to me. It’s not very attractive, but it IS human.
On those days when we feel like “the world is against us,” let’s look at our self-care habits. Are we allowing ourselves the time to be quiet and introspective? Are we honestly communicating what we need, or are we in fear of doing so because we might hurt someone’s feelings or appear selfish?
So on those days we feel dazed, confused, frustrated, misunderstood, I think it’s important that we look at two things:
1) Are we taking good care of ourselves on all levels of being, physical, emotional, mental and spiritual? If not, we may need to replenish our energy through good self-care so we can be more kind and humble with ourselves and others.
2) Do we have a “blind spot” about our own nature, that we are afraid to look at because we’re making it mean that somehow we’re inadequate, not enough? Hint: since we are the common denominator in all of our interactions, what are those encounters trying to tell us? What do WE need to change to feel good about ourselves?
These are tough questions, but much better ones than whose fault anything is or who will get credit for something. Trying like heck to be right and/or not wrong is a fruitless effort that results in little reward,
except to be alone in our rightness at the end of the day.
Whatever part of me created the perception of suffering in my friend and Steve, I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you. For more information on this phrase, google Ho’oponopono.
What I teach isn’t easy, and it will leave your EGO feeling bruised, at least temporarily. It will also create deep connection and long-lasting friendship. It IS worth it.
My gift and passion is in helping others find their true north and what makes them tick. I am excited to help them find their “blind spots,” not to humiliate them, but to guide them to their brilliance and strengths.
I’ve created a monthly class called Frontier to Your Freedom, to help you replace harmful habits with empowering ones.
We will use emotional freedom technique (or tapping) to clear out blocks to your best self, raise awareness, increase your odds of taking good care of yourself, to ensure your happiest and most fulfilled life.
Register here for tomorrow evening’s class (October 18th) from 6-8pm.
“I gave this class a 10 because it made me realize that opening up can help break down “false walls” and dig deeper to the root issue.” Gia D
“I believe that tapping literally resets your brain, which is priceless!” Matthew Z
“I love the community energy. It helped me move through some anxiety
with my emotions/fears/beliefs.” Chelsea D
We still have a few spots left. Invite a friend too.
P.S.: If you want to build your self-care muscle and focus on your strengths, come tomorrow night to the Frontier to Freedom class.
P.P.S.: Stay tuned for next week’s blog in which we will continue the discussion on how to build healthy relationships with yourself and others.