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Think of a time when you were shocked by a situation or
person's behavior. Maybe someone's words cut you like a knife.....
Maybe someone betrayed you and it left you feeling dazed,
confused, hurt...like a dog who bends its head sideways in
Whenever I'm blindsided by something, it's usually the precursor
to a wake-up call. It's the Universe's way of highlighting a blind
spot in my awareness.
This past August I gave a brief talk to a network group I'd been
a part of for almost two years. I was talking about creating a culture
where we have each other's back and creating authentic connection,
and something called Ohana.
It's an idea in Hawaiian culture. The word Ohana means family in the
Hawaiian language, and family means no one gets left behind or
I got some negative feedback that some people were upset about
my discussion. That's when I got that shocked, "deer in
the headlights" sort of feeling. How could this discussion upset
anyone, I thought?
Since then, I've remembered that many of us are terrified of authentic
connection and communication. We bury our heads in the sand
and pretend to not know what's happening. We ALL do it, including
I was pretending to not know that the majority of this group wasn't
my "tribe." I needed to break my co-dependent tendency to stay too
long in a situation that is no longer working.
Sometimes walking away from a situation is the best, most mature choice.
Notice I'm not talking about running away out of fear. That's something totally
different, an unhealthy escape.
This brand of staying when it's no longer a good match or alignment with
my values is an unhealthy reliance on something outside of myself to "prove"
I'm enough. It's another example of taking too much responsibility for things
I don't control.
For example, the thinking was, "I am responsible for how people receive me
and if they refer me. I need to stay to be loving and kind and not withdraw
from a place of fear. I need to figure this out!"
But what if I'm supposed to withdraw from a place of love?
The question becomes: should we force a situation by adjusting ourselves
into some form of settling compliance?
People who are conscious often let things roll off of their backs and can
handle things. They are malleable to a situation. This is both a blessing
AND a curse.
It's a blessing because they are flexible to life, but it's a curse because they
often shoulder what should be other people's responsibilities.
So what are you pretending not to know? Staying in a situation or relationship
that doesn't align with our world view and values creates its own brand of
suffering. And as a wise man said, pain happens to all us in life, but suffering
I help women become un-apologetically themselves and break the "good
girl" people-pleasing habit so they can thrive and be really "alive."
Is there a certain relationship or group dynamic that is no longer working?
Let's talk. I want to get to know you. Come hang out with me on Thursday, 3/14
for the Frontier to Your Freedom experiment. Be you. Be with others who value
getting real about what's going on for them too.