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Want to stop people-pleasing and start loving?

Angie Monko - Tuesday, March 26, 2019

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Are you a people-pleaser (PP) and proud of it? 

Now before you go saying yes to that, because you LIKE to give and please others
and it brings you great joy, let me give you my definition of people-pleasing.

People-pleasing is when you try to live your life as the "good girl" or 
"good boy" for everyone else because you're afraid they won't love you
if you don't.

This is a ME focus because it's centered around your fear as the
foundation; it's about self-protection. They'll leave if you aren't good
according to some unrealistic, perfectionist standard.

You may not have thought about this consciously, but I promise you your subconscious mind has thought of it.

You over-give and then resent THEM for it.

I've been a people-pleaser my whole life and didn't realize how much 
until the last year. It was a blind spot.

So I betrayed myself through addictive eating, negative self-talk, not
getting the right support, and perfectionism. 

I believed that other people, in particular my Dad and other
people who had negative things to say about me, determined my worth
and lovable-ness.  

Did I listen to the majority who loved me? OF course not.

So what is the solution? Let me first tell you what the solution is NOT:

1) It's NOT not giving again.
2) It's NOT not loving again.
3) It's NOT not helping others again.

When we do those things right, it feels wonderful. I'm just saying,
let's do MORE of those things in a certain way.

The solution is to open our heart and LOVE and GIVE. Give
up our "Have To's" and replace them with "Want To's!"

This involves a decision to love people regardless of outcomes,
regardless of how they treat us. It means diving into the deep 
end of the pool without guarantees.

Love or spirituality is the unknown. Our EGO, conscious mind, or personality
won't approve or want to go there.

Our EGO is designed to want to protect itself from perceived threats. The 
problem is that almost 99% of the threats out there are not real.

They are tricks of the mind, lies we make up as we interpret what happens
to us. 

I recently made up a lie that I was "betrayed" by a certain network group.
I wanted to recoil in self-protection. Remember the ME based system.  

"What did I do wrong? How are they wrong?" I wanted to know.

Why does anyone have to be wrong? Under this new way of thinking,
everyone gets a free pass. Why? Because everyone is doing their best, 
and my bias is that "That's good enough!"

Don't we all deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt? A little grace...

This life experience is about contrast.  We wouldn't want everyone 
to think alike or be like us. That would be boring!  Yes, it's nice to
have a safe place to land with like-minded people.

When we open our heart and love with grace, all places become safe.
All people become safe. We forgive our mistakes and our past. And
we extend this courtesy to others.

I'd like to talk with you. Let's see if we'd be good partners in helping
you stop people-pleasing and start loving.

Go here to see if it makes sense for us to chat.

Courageously,

Angie Monko

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