Trying Too Hard

Angie Monko - Sunday, March 21, 2010
Dear Friends,

I just wrote an article about not having enough joy in my life (See What do you
detest/resent in others?); you might want to read that before this one, since they
are related.  I tend to be a type A personality and have a strong need for perfection.
When I was 13 years old, I learned that if I produced (I was challenged to get all A's
in 8th grade--no A-s), I received approval from my Dad.  So produce I did. 

The problem is that I never seem to produce enough to feel self-love and
self-acceptance, although this is changing within me now.  I do feel tired at
times, and I get grouchy with the kids and my husband, and I don't make
enough time for them.  I admit that I'm doing my very best, and I need to lighten up
on myself.  I  watched this really good movie, The Family Stone, the other night.
Sarah Jessica Parker played the girlfriend to a man, who was part of a very large
family.  She was going to meet his family during Christmas time.  Before they met her,
they judged her as stuffy and uptight and inappropriate for their son/brother. 

After a challenging evening, she ended up leaving their home and going out with
her boyfriend's brother, played by Luke Wilson.  They went to a bar, and he tried
to get her to loosen up.  She was in tears, saying that she was trying so hard to
please his family (and she was a good person, just anxious to seek approval),
and all she could do was mess up and make things worse.  Do you ever feel
this way?  Luke Wilson replied in a loving, pleading way, "You're trying too hard.
Don't try so hard."  I could really relate.  I've always tried so hard, starting when
I was a young teenager.  I saw a chiropractor/accupunturist for a free consultation
earlier the same day. 

I don't have any health issues, but I received the gift and figured it couldn't hurt to
get a free health consultation.  She said she'd never met anyone who did so much,
as far as a daily routine of self-care, including journaling, working out, meditating,
yoga rites, reading, walking stairs, etc.  I described my healthy food plan and told
her I'd been exercising since I was 13 years old, 4 days a week, almost without
exception.  I told her how I tapped for emotional health, took a variety of vitamin
supplements and that I meditate 50 minutes daily for spiritual growth, and on and
on with what I DO.   She said even though it all sounded great and I looked much
younger than 40 years old, she thought I almost had this desperation in my eyes.

I knew immediately what she meant.  I do feel desperate at times.  What would
happen if I stopped doing all that I do for self-care?  I guess you could say I'm very
attached to doing it.  There is that perfectionism showing up again and the need to
feel approval and good enough.   The whole day was about teaching me how to
relax and NOT try so hard.  I think the Universe is sending me a message. 
I need to stop trying so hard, relax and allow myself to receive joy.

PS:  If you’re really serious about creating your most magnificent life, click on the attached to see
if you qualify for a discovery session:

PSS:  Do you have friends and family that are also interested in creating their own destinies of
joy and freedom?  Send them to:

Peace & Blessings,
Angie Monko,
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