Need to forgive you?

Forgiveness? How do you know if you need to forgive yourself?
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Let’s start there and not go into forgiving others today, because the latter becomes much easier when you forgive yourself first.

Trying to create a profitable business AND happy life without self-forgiveness can feel like an uphill climb.

How do you know if self-forgiveness is necessary?

Do you often think about your past failures? Do you want to hide in shame and not tell others what’s really going on for you when things go wrong?

Do you often feel like a fraud that will be found out at any moment?

Do you carry around a lot of anxiety and fear, worrying that the other shoe may drop?

Safety is a big issue for you…life just never feels that calm or secure…it’s hard to trust that everything’s going to be OK.

If any of this resonates with you, then consider that you have some self-forgiveness to do.

I believe our level of courage depends on our level of self-acceptance because when we can truly accept ourselves, we will give ourselves the benefit of the doubt and get back up off the floor much more quickly
when the Universe has plans for us that we don’t expect.

When we can easily forgive our mistakes, we can remain clear and focused on creating the life we want.

I intentionally began a self-growth journey 21 years ago, when my first marriage began to unravel.

I began looking within for answers as to why I was so unhappy. Long commute from IL to MO and back for a job with a lot of responsibility.

My husband and I had a lot of stress with our young daughter, Maddie, who had cystic fibrosis (CF).

We also had a very shaky foundation of a relationship because there had always been a lot of fighting, defending myself from perceived attacks.

So having a child added to the stress of our relationship, and I felt like I had to do it all.  Earn the money, keep the house and finances, tend to Maddie, etc. Life felt so difficult, and so after being in relationship
for 12 years, I wanted out.

I also felt very sorry for him. I asked for joint custody, and he said “Over my dead body!” 

I didn’t have the courage to fight for Maddie, and so I ended up giving him custody of her and didn’t even get my own attorney. He got everything.

Nearly 21 years later, I’ve questioned how things would be different if Maddie had lived with me full-time rather than him.

To say I have lived with a lot of guilt and shame is an understatement. I’ve been trying to make it up to her ever since. 

When she came to live with me at 13 years old, you’d think things would have gotten better. Nope! She carried a bunch of guilt for leaving her dad and his family.

That guilt led her down painful paths of self-rejection, self-betrayal, diabetes, food addiction, and other self-abusive behavior, on top of having CF.

Her health has continued to decline and she has little hope some days…

I am watching all of this and thinking, “What if I had gotten custody of her?” How might I have protected her from all of the pain she took on from her dad's own pain?

So I do know a thing or two about the need for self-forgiveness.  I have received that gift for myself.  How?

I’ve learned that I’m an extremely highly sensitive person (HSP).  Life 21 years ago felt very unsafe and unpredictable.  Part of me desperately wanted to have Maddie full-time, but the other, stronger part wanted to protect HIM. 

Sounds crazy, huh?  But it IS true.  As a highly sensitive person, my gifts of empathy and compassion were taken to the extreme in this case, when I gave him custody of Maddie, and they became a weakness.

I ignored my gift of intuition, which told me I’d regret this decision, and this morphed into me not taking responsibility, hiding my head in the sand, feeling overwhelmed, and hoping for the best. 

Can you relate?  Do you go into hiding when things seem too difficult?

Today, I’ve decided that I am WORTH forgiving myself. I have done my best to give Maddie the best life possible, and I can do that even better when I role model being a worthy self-advocate who loves and
accept herself.

How can this help you grow a business? Lack of forgiveness keeps us blocked energetically. It keeps us in a state of overwhelm, which prevents clarity.

A confused mind and heart is one that says (subconsciously), “I don’t deserve.”

That means we can’t flow with life, and bringing money in is all about flow. You’ll flow with prosperity much more easily if you can forgive yourself and begin to flow with life.

I invite you to attend a monthly workshop that I offer on the 2nd Thursday called Frontier to Your Freedom. The next one is this Thursday, May 10th. Register here.

Your Freedom begins when you rise up, speak up, and show up for yourself! Is this your time?

Courageously,

Angie Monko

P.S.: If you want to join others in a safe, sacred space of healing, by loving, accepting and forgiving yourself so that you can create a profitable business AND happy life, come to this workshop.