Maddie's Decision (by Maddie)
There are many events going on in my life at the moment. As you know summer is beginning; for me I know it's going to be one of pure healing. I finally made that decision. On May 18, my last day of school, I was admitted into Children's Hospital. Usually people make a change because something pushes them. In my case, this is what pushed me. I felt great going into that hospital. I didn't want to be sick. This is the first time in my life where I was "sick" and I wasn't choosing to be. I knew change was going to occur very soon. It was almost scary because I knew it was as if I was letting go of a part of me, my ego, the part of me that was holding on to the food.
Food was my biggest problem. I was in denial before, but I now know I am powerless over food. I would go to food to numb myself so I wouldn't have to feel all of my negative feelings. The day after I got out of the hospital, something happened, a switch went off. My family did their traditional outing to Six Flags the day before Memorial Day. We went to eat at Texas Road House afterwards. That night at dinner I binged, my food intake was definitely over the top. I was eating like that because I guess I felt like it was the last time I would get to eat whatever I wanted. I knew I was eating emotionally because my stomach told me to stop and my mind told me to keep eating.
After I finished eating, I felt more full than I've ever felt before. My stomach felt like it could explode.
After that night something in my body told me that I was doing something wrong and I must make a change. I felt horrible, very bloated and nasty. Then I finally made my choice to be healthy. I'm now in the process of drastically altering my body and my diet. I'm eliminating all the bad carbs and eating fruits, vegetables, and protein.
My goal is to get off insulin completely. I learned that sometimes in life you have to make a decision to get on your path. I know exactly what I want to do with my life. I feel with every bit of my soul that I'm on the right path and it feels so amazing. This summer I'm also helping a little girl named Kharma, and I'm very excited because I feel I can help her to make a drastic change. This goal has helped me to focus on someone other than myself. In life there are going to be many events that make you want to change.
Instead of being pushed by some crisis, decide to make a change without this negative push. So in the end, decide to be happy. Make that choice and strive to make a change because after you've made that decision nothing in life can stop you!