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It's easier to argue than truly connect

Angie Monko - Tuesday, July 04, 2017

Happy 4th of July and Happy Canada Day (July 1st)!!! Do you know
how most people equate a country's Independence Day with Freedom?

Well, it's kind of ironic because it seems most of us
truly don't feel that free.  What is freedom to you? Is it having
a healthy economy? Feeling safe and secure in your country?
Having healthy relationships with yourself and those around 
you? Having enough money to do what you want? 

However you define freedom, are you really living it? I
haven't been, at least not to the extent I know is possible
for me and how I define it.

My definition: intentionally and purposefully keeping our
heart open, even when from appearances it seems like
others are "rejecting" or "mistreating" us, allowing ourselves
to see the beauty all around, staying connected to our 
hearts, and creating intimacy with others.

If you are anything like me, it's much easier to argue and
try to prove why I'm right than it is to TRULY connect with
another human being. I grew up learning that "People are
messy, can't be trusted, and they will hurt and disappoint you."

Can you relate?  I wasn't aware how much I've guarded my
heart until recently.  I thought I was open, and I HAVE 
allowed that authentic, deep connection with some people
in my life.

But where I realized I had fallen down is in my relationship
with my spouse. We've co-owned our business together for
over 4 years.  You can add this aspect of being in business
together to ANY healthy relationship, and it will be challenged,
especially when your personalities are so different.

I saw how Steve and I have disconnected from each other.
It is VERY SUBTLE!  You just begin to start doing separate
things, whether it's work, a hobby, or other past time.

I've always considered us to have a good relationship, and 
we STILL do actually.  But I've noticed I don't always look 
him in the eyes or really give him my attention, the way I do
with my clients.  He's getting the "scraps" of Angie's attention.

And I don't want this to continue! Steve is one of the most
important people to me on this planet, but my actions don't
reflect that.  We deserve more.  It won't change overnight, 
but I'm committed to creating more intimacy in this very 
important relationship.

Do you sense that you've disconnected from your spouse/
significant other on some level? We do this because somehow
they don't feel safe.

Maybe they've hurt us in the past by ignoring us, cheating on us,
saying mean things, making us feel that we can never do enough
to please them, and so why bother?

Please take a deep dive with me here.  It's so easy to blame
THEM for our own feelings of disconnection, isn't it? It's so much
easier to argue with them than to truly connect. But what if
the true problem is that we've disconnected from OUR OWN 
SELF?

How do we know if this has happened? Stay tuned to next week's
blog in which we'll continue this discussion...

For now I will end with this quote taken from For Today:

 "I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe
 that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

How is it possible to be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful? There is
surely no threat in beauty. It was a fear of living, actually, that
made me hide... To be afraid to live is to be afraid of 
everything--good as well as bad, beautiful as well as ugly.

In giving to the world, it is I who must make the first move, I 
who must run to meet life with a smile that says, 'I'm happy to
be here.' To like oneself, to enjoy life and to have enthusiasm for
its precious gifts is to give to the world."

Supporting you all the way,

Angie Monko

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