It's easier to argue than truly connect

Happy 4th of July and Happy Canada Day (July 1st)!!! Do you know how most people equate a country's Independence Day with Freedom?

Well, it's kind of ironic because it seems most of us truly don't feel that free.  What is freedom to you? Is it having a healthy economy? Feeling safe and secure in your country? Having healthy relationships with yourself and those around you? Having enough money to do what you want? 

However you define freedom, are you really living it? I haven't been, at least not to the extent I know is possible for me and how I define it.

My definition: intentionally and purposefully keeping our heart open, even when from appearances it seems like others are "rejecting" or "mistreating" us, allowing ourselves to see the beauty all around, staying connected to our hearts, and creating intimacy with others.

If you are anything like me, it's much easier to argue and try to prove why I'm right than it is to TRULY connect with another human being. I grew up learning that "People are messy, can't be trusted, and they will hurt and disappoint you."

Can you relate?  I wasn't aware how much I've guarded my heart until recently.  I thought I was open, and I HAVE allowed that authentic, deep connection with some people in my life.

But where I realized I had fallen down is in my relationship with my spouse. We've co-owned our business together for over 4 years.  You can add this aspect of being in business together to ANY healthy relationship, and it will be challenged, especially when your personalities are so different.

I saw how Steve and I have disconnected from each other. It is VERY SUBTLE!  You just begin to start doing separate things, whether it's work, a hobby, or other past time.

I've always considered us to have a good relationship, and we STILL do actually.  But I've noticed I don't always look him in the eyes or really give him my attention, the way I do with my clients.  He's getting the "scraps" of Angie's attention.

And I don't want this to continue! Steve is one of the most important people to me on this planet, but my actions don't reflect that.  We deserve more.  It won't change overnight, but I'm committed to creating more intimacy in this very important relationship.

Do you sense that you've disconnected from your spouse/ significant other on some level? We do this because somehow they don't feel safe.

Maybe they've hurt us in the past by ignoring us, cheating on us, saying mean things, making us feel that we can never do enough to please them, and so why bother?

Please take a deep dive with me here.  It's so easy to blame THEM for our own feelings of disconnection, isn't it? It's so much easier to argue with them than to truly connect. But what if the true problem is that we've disconnected from OUR OWN SELF?

How do we know if this has happened? Stay tuned to next week's blog in which we'll continue this discussion...

For now I will end with this quote taken from For Today:

 "I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

How is it possible to be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful? There is surely no threat in beauty. It was a fear of living, actually, that made me hide... To be afraid to live is to be afraid of  everything--good as well as bad, beautiful as well as ugly.

In giving to the world, it is I who must make the first move, I who must run to meet life with a smile that says, 'I'm happy to be here.' To like oneself, to enjoy life and to have enthusiasm for its precious gifts is to give to the world."

Supporting you all the way,

Angie Monko