Was it safe for you to be angry while growing up? For many people, it wasn't. Their options
were to be in a good mood or shut up. There was no in-between. I don't recall feeling like this.
My Dad showed explosive anger all of the time, and so it seemed quite normal. That doesn't
mean I enjoyed it.
I would prefer to live without these three emotions: anger, shame and guilt.
Not only do they wreak havoc on my body (and I get acne, likened to little outbursts of anger
by Louise Hay), I don't function at my best when I'm feeling them. I think they are very meaningful
guideposts to tell me I need a change in direction.
I do think anger has its rightful place.
I have found that when I feel angry with someone, in particular my immediate family, it is best
if I just get it out. A new practice for me is to tell my stepdaughter, Chelsea, for example, "I'm
mad at you right now! I don't appreciate ...." Even though it feels a little childish, the truth is
that my little inner child is wanting to be heard, and it feels good to let the anger out and put it
behind me. Plus, Chelsea can relate to this part of me better than the part of me who would
keep it to myself and resent her.
So my strategy for anger is to:
1) Release it as quickly as possible;
2) Ask myself what do I need to forgive and to whom?
3) What lesson do I need to learn here? I was very upset with someone close to me this past weekend.
Overall, I was in a peaceful place, but his energy was way off, and I felt he mistreated me,
and of course I didn't deserve it. By the very end of the weekend, his behavior had worsened,
and I'd had enough, my patience had worn thin.
I rarely get angry like this and so I needed to
find a way to cope. I didn't see him much on Monday and Tuesday and so could avoid my feelings.
By Wednesday morning, I realized I had to release the anger. So I cried in the car on the way to
yoga and tapped using EFT. I needed to forgive myself for feeling shame and guilt. I was being
hard on myself because I felt like I was shallow and hadn't learned how to unconditionally love.
I also needed to forgive him.
What lesson did I learn? People always mirror back to me something
going on inside of myself that I need to heal. I don't want to go into any more detail, but suffice it
to say that I felt I deserved his anger on some level. I attracted it to myself. Yuck! I hate to admit that.
My own daughter even told me so the day before. Always I hear in my mind, "What the mind represses,
the body expresses," and in this case, I got a pimple! Hahahah...
Does it really pay to hold on to anger?
I don't think so, at least not for any length of time. Is it healthy to express anger? Absolutely, even if that
means you are childish for a little while or un-spiritual. I'd rather create momentary conflict with others
and give them an idea of what they are dealing with inside of me, than to harbor resentment and anger
By doing the former, we give our relationships a chance to resolve the conflict and blossom. Otherwise,
our relationships will suffer.
If you'd like to discuss your relationship and how to strengthen it.
PS: If you’re really serious about creating your most magnificent life, click on the attached to see
if you qualify for a discovery session: http://www.harmonyharbor.com/discovery-session
PSS: Do you have friends and family that are also interested in creating their own destinies of
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Make it a wonderful weekend!
Angie Monko, CH