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How Not to be a Doormat

Angie Monko - Friday, August 12, 2011
Dear Friends,

Do you ever feel like a doormat? You put everyone's needs before your own.
You want to please so badly that you compromise your feelings, values and
self-worth to be liked and approved of.  Even though it's hard to admit, this
mental mindset doesn't just affect your personal relationships.  It bleeds over
into your business relationships as well. Relationships are relationships after
all.  How we do one thing, we do many things. See if you can relate to this
scenario.  If you are not in business, just apply it to your personal life. 

Do you ever feel like you have to chase after business (friends if you are doing
the personal analogy)?  As a result, you "settle" for clients/friends who are not
your ideal client/friend.  You make excuses for their behavior.  For example,
maybe you have a client/friend that wants to take, take, take and doesn't give
much in return, except complaints. Maybe you have a client who is late to
appointments or tries to change them last minute or doesn't even show up at all. 
You subconsciously think, "Well they paid me, and so now they own me."  Or this
person makes all sorts of excuses about why they can't do something and they
blame others.  Or perhaps they don't pay on time.

If it's a personal friend, this person may talk behind your back, not keep dates to
get together, expect you to always be there but not be there for you, and so on.
Either way, after you interact with your friend/client, you feel ticked off, cheated,
annoyed, your energy drained.  So why do we continue to put ourselves in these
situations? I think it's because of this need to be loved and approved of that I
mentioned at first.  I have learned to set good boundaries in my personal life, but
I'm still learning how to do this in my professional life. Perhaps this is because I
know my friends and family love me, but this is not the case with clients.  The
more I can detach from expected outcomes, the better. So how do you do this?
Address the underlying belief that says, "I need your approval to feel good about
myself, OR I need XYZ from you to feel worthy." 

Anytime you feel dependent on someone or something else for our self worth, it's
easy to come to resent that person or thing, especially if the external stimulant
doesn't seem to be cooperating with you. I recommend using self-hypnosis or
meridian tapping (EFT) to clear out the belief.  You might say, while tapping
(see www.harmonyharbor.com and click on Solutions Tab, EFT): "Even though
need approval from XYZ to feel good about myself, I love and accept myself
anyway."  
OR "Even though I give my power to XYZ and I resent them for it, I love
and accept myself no matter what." Once you get the intensity of emotion to a
four or less on a 0 to 10 scale, you can switch your tapping over to a choice
statement. 

So instead of just clearing out the negative emotion, you can set an intention of
how  you choose to feel instead.  Here is an example:  "Even though I am a people
please and need others' approval to feel worthy, I now choose to feel empowered
and worthy right NOW no matter external circumstances." 

PS:  If you’re really serious about creating your most magnificent life, click on the
attached to see if you qualify for a discovery session:
http://www.harmonyharbor.com/discovery-session

PSS:  Do you have friends and family that are also interested in creating their own
destinies of joy and freedom?  Send them to:
http://www.harmonyharbor.com/news-register

To Your Success,

Angie Monko, CH
314-422-6520  
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