How Not to be a Doormat
Do you ever feel like a doormat? You put everyone's needs before your own. You want to please so badly that you compromise your feelings, values and self-worth to be liked and approved of. Even though it's hard to admit, this mental mindset doesn't just affect your personal relationships. It bleeds over
into your business relationships as well. Relationships are relationships after all. How we do one thing, we do many things. See if you can relate to this scenario. If you are not in business, just apply it to your personal life.
Do you ever feel like you have to chase after business (friends if you are doing the personal analogy)? As a result, you "settle" for clients/friends who are not your ideal client/friend. You make excuses for their behavior. For example, maybe you have a client/friend that wants to take, take, take and doesn't give
much in return, except complaints. Maybe you have a client who is late to appointments or tries to change them last minute or doesn't even show up at all. You subconsciously think, "Well they paid me, and so now they own me." Or this person makes all sorts of excuses about why they can't do something and they
blame others. Or perhaps they don't pay on time.
If it's a personal friend, this person may talk behind your back, not keep dates to get together, expect you to always be there but not be there for you, and so on. Either way, after you interact with your friend/client, you feel ticked off, cheated, annoyed, your energy drained. So why do we continue to put ourselves in these situations? I think it's because of this need to be loved and approved of that I mentioned at first. I have learned to set good boundaries in my personal life, but I'm still learning how to do this in my professional life. Perhaps this is because I know my friends and family love me, but this is not the case with clients. The more I can detach from expected outcomes, the better. So how do you do this? Address the underlying belief that says, "I need your approval to feel good about myself, OR I need XYZ from you to feel worthy."
Anytime you feel dependent on someone or something else for our self worth, it's easy to come to resent that person or thing, especially if the external stimulant doesn't seem to be cooperating with you. I recommend using self-hypnosis or meridian tapping (EFT) to clear out the belief. You might say, while tapping (see www.harmonyharbor.com and click on Solutions Tab, EFT): "Even though I need approval from XYZ to feel good about myself, I love and accept myself anyway." OR "Even though I give my power to XYZ and I resent them for it, I love and accept myself no matter what." Once you get the intensity of emotion to a four or less on a 0 to 10 scale, you can switch your tapping over to a choice statement.
So instead of just clearing out the negative emotion, you can set an intention of how you choose to feel instead. Here is an example: "Even though I am a people please and need others' approval to feel worthy, I now choose to feel empowered and worthy right NOW no matter external circumstances."
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To Your Success,
Angie Monko, CH