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"Sometimes in life we just need someone who will be there
for us. Someone who will listen. Someone who will understand."
Don't we all just want to be understood and accepted for who
we are by another human being? I feel as if I understood my
daughter, Maddie, more than anyone in the world.
And she understood me. We had this deep and important
connection. That's what I miss so much. I don't engage the
romantic fantasy that she was perfect. She wasn't.
I wasn't a perfect mom either. We argued with each other,
and it could very heated. One time, she was so angry with me
that she actually jumped on my back.
And in 5 minutes the fury was over. The reason we could do
this is because we unconditionally loved each other, and we
understood that human beings are messy and flawed.
Late in July, Maddie asked me to get a tattoo with a mom
and baby elephant, whose trunks were intertwined into a
We'd watched a movie recently where the mother elephant
showed such nurturing tendencies toward the baby, and it
really touched us.
I just googled elephant moms, and it said elephants make
the best mothers because they produce the best meals, are
the best teachers and best leaders. I didn't know this!
When she asked I didn't hesitate, and we set the appointment
3 days later for her 7th tattoo and my first.
My friend, Wendy, bought the attached elephant with her baby
after Maddie passed on 10/26/18, and my friend, Andrew,
bought this plant just the other day. Notice what it looks like?
Elephant ears! He had no idea about the significance of the
elephants when he bought it. He told me, "Every time you look
at this plant, think of Maddie." I certainly will.
I am very sad that I won't experience the company of my
daughter anymore. And I am so grateful that we had the
connection I refer to because many people never get to
have such love in a lifetime.
I also realize that I want to create this connection with another
human being again, namely with my husband. It will require
me to be vulnerable with him, like I was with Maddie.
Some people are easier to be vulnerable with because, WITH
YOU, for whatever reason, they naturally accept you with your flaws.
Maddie did this for me. She didn't do that with everyone, but she
did for me. Probably because she fully opened her heart to me.
She admitted this was scary for her and she'd only do it for a few
people. When we open our heart to others, we take a risk that they
won't feel the same. We risk they they will take advantage of our
I believe the risk is worth the reward. What do you think? How
might you apply this knowledge in your life?
Help me celebrate Maddie. We are having our transformation
game this Friday, 11/30, in her honor.
5 spots left. This would be a wonderful opportunity to ask the question,
"How might I open my heart more fully to take in and give love?"
and receive some clarity and movement forward.