Do you deserve to be rejected?

Have you felt heavy of heart lately?  As I write this, it's 9/11/17.

I suppose it would make sense to feel this way on such a date, a date in which the USA experienced the devastation of the Twin Towers tumbling down 16 years ago, losing 2,996 lives.

Usher in the devastation of Hurricanes Harvey and Irma, and the loss of lives and property.  Then there's the political climate that really feels as if it's split the USA into two camps of thought, Trump supporters and Hillary supporters.

Things really feel Effed up, don't they?????!!!!!!

My writing instructor just challenged me to write about the "new normal," whatever that means. What is coming into being for this new normal? 

Plus, our marketing coach is advising me to write in such a way to make you (the reader) find me interesting, likable, a memorable character...but I have no idea what that would look like.

Lately my normal state has been one of confusion, as if I have no solid footing.  I have no clue what to deliver to people...in this new normal world. I feel like a fake at times.  Do you?

I feel fake because I teach authenticity and feeling our feelings, and I seem to fall short A LOT.

My daughter, Maddie, just asked me if I'd been crying, and I said no.  But I had been...I'd been tapping (using emotional freedom technique), and it had brought up tears.

She's been trying to connect with me lately, and the only emotion I can seem to muster is anger. Side note: I've been doing a gut cleanse for the last 25 days, and it's bringing up some deep emotional goo for me.

Who knows? Maybe I'm menopausal too. Either way, why did I lie to her?  I guess because my character is too proud to admit that I feel weak a lot lately.  I feel that what I have to offer people is something they don't really want or value.

They don't want to change. They don't want to invest in themselves because it's hard work, and they're afraid it will be a waste of time and money.  I can't guarantee them anything except that they will
feel uncomfortable and want to run away from all of this...

If they DO stick it out, most stories of transformation are written such that the character comes out much happier and more fulfilled. But I can't guarantee any results because we're each on an individual 
journey.

So what can I bring to the table for my subscribers and viewers? What are my gifts?  Please ask yourself the same. My ramblings are meant to get you to thinking.

I'm not 100% authentic 100% of the time.  That would be perfection, and I don't want to subscribe to that mindset, though I still do at times.

Just before this writing, I became impatient with my husband and business partner, and it stirred up an emotional reaction from him (that's what caused me to tap, by the way). So yes, that too, made 
me feel fake.  

I don't feel prosperous right now, even though I'm about to offer a class on how not be a slave to the amount in your bank account. That feels fake.  When I wrote the class on a flight home from Paris, I 
truly felt abundant and on top of the world. 

The Angie character has been knocked down a few times since then.

She's learned that "she" is really not in charge of this show we call life. Yet she still tries very hard to control things.

When feeling fake and inauthentic, it's easy to convince ourselves that we aren't lovable, that we deserve to be rejected.  When feeling like a fraud, it's much easier to tell ourselves that we're not valuable,
that what we have to offer is rubbish. 

We will compare ourselves to others and think we can never measure up to their goodness, their generosity, their talent, etc.

The interesting thing is..though the world seems to be falling apart, and Angie seems to be more anxious than normal, the part that Observes the world through her eyes (you may call God or True Creative Essence or whatever) knows that absolutely EVERYTHING is truly OK. 

EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK. If you are feeling especially sensitive to the direction Life is taking you right now...take a deep breath with me now... Repeat..."I AM OK. All is well... Things are unfolding exactly as they should be."

The fear of rejection, fearing our basic core is unlovable and not enough, will prevent us from stepping up and moving forward. It has for me.

My new normal is to acknowledge that, own it, and not shame myself for it. My new normal is to say, "I am OK despite appearances. Lack is not real.  This is all just an illusion.  Breathe... keep breathing!"

If you're okay with my type of authenticity, where it's OK to feel the "good" and "bad" emotions, still keep believing in yourself despite the the crazy thoughts that seep into your heart... if you feel called to accept yourself where you're at, and perhaps, open a gateway to TRUE prosperity...then check this out.

To Your Prosperity,

Angie Monko