I've been speaking about bringing Presence (a dimension of consciousness and awareness) into our daily lives and making that our main purpose. Per Eckhart Tolle (A New Earth), as we begin to dis-identify with our thoughts, emotions and reactions by recognizing them for what they are, our sense of self shifts from being the thoughts, emotions and reactions to being the awareness, the conscious Presence that witnesses those states. How can this help with parenting? I know I'm guilty of giving my kids too much of the kind of attention that Eckhart Tolle calls "form-based." Form-based attention is connected with doing
It seems I'm always asking my girls if they did a certain chore, their homework, took their vitamins, emptied the dishwasher, picked up our dog's "Easter eggs," and on and on. The list is endless. When I realized this I began to feel guilty for how little time I spend in formless attention with them. That gave me an opportunity to release the guilt and just honor my current awareness. It's so easy to get bogged down in daily life that we forget to just be. So how can we spend formless time with our loved ones, time devoted to just being? When we interact with them, we can truly listen, be present to their needs, not thinking about future tasks, but just Being there. Their soul will feel this, and we will feel great. I've had these wonderful moments with my kids, and I intend to make them habits with the help of Holy Spirit. When we truly engage with our children at the level of Being, per Tolle, "In that moment, if you are present, you are not a father or mother.
You are the alertness, the stillness, the Presence that is listening, looking, touching, even speaking. You are the Being behind the doing." If our children act out and seem resentful and angry, maybe it's because they don't feel recognized. Tolle explains how we are obviously superior to our child in the human dimension of form (bigger, stronger, know more), and that we may love our children, but that love is
conditional, possessive, intermittent. He goes on to say, "Only beyond form, in Being, are you equal, and only when you find the formless dimension in yourself can there be true love in that relationship. The Presence that you are, the timeless I Am, recognizes itself in another, and the other, the child in this case, feels loved, that is to say, recognized." "To love is to recognize yourself in another.
The other's 'otherness' then stands revealed as an illusion pertaining to the purely human realm, the realm of form. The longing for love that is in every child is the longing to be recognized, not on the level of form, but on the level of Being." This is so powerful to me! We can't fool our kids. They know if we're not really
there for them. We can DO everything in the world for them, including trying to rescue them and prevent their mistakes, and it will never be enough if we don't give them our true heart and soul and Presence. We can apply this Presence to everyone in our lives, not just our kids. I hope you find this as enlightening as I
did and such a great reminder to be present to those around us.
Have a Present day!
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Peace & Blessings,