When I was growing up, I learned that I needed to
be the peacekeeper.
There was a lot of chaos in my home life because
my parents fought a lot. I saw that I needed to protect
my mom from my dad, emotionally and even physically.
This is when I began to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders...
I began to take on other people's problems. It started
with my mom. It's continued with my choices of life partners and
even with my grown daughters.
I believed that it was MY responsibility to fix THEIR stuff.
As a result, I turned into the martyr, the resentful victim
of life's cruel circumstances.
What does a martyr have to do with being worthy, not
entitled, the 7th attribute of a Worthy Self-Advocate (WSA)?
You may recall that a WSA is someone who relates to herself and
others with courage, authenticity and kindness and knows she's enough.
When we don't feel worthy, there are two extremes to
how we might show up in life, and one of them is the martyr, and
the other is the entitled one.
One Extreme: I often feel like a martyr because I have to sacrifice my needs and
wants for the entitled ones who are much more vocal and aggressive.
a. I don’t matter or deserve to get my needs/wants met.
b. I shut down emotionally and isolate, feeling like a victim to life's unfair circumstances.
c. When I get my feelings hurt and take things personally when clients or potential
clients tell me no, and the disappointment and pain becomes too much, I shut down and stop trying.
d. I give up and become defensive at the first signs of struggle.
Other Extreme: I feel entitled to life going my way. When things don’t go my way, I make a
stink about it and make sure everyone feels my pain.
a. I become impatient and vindictive when others don't listen, believe and behave as I think they should.
b. I become very indignant if someone goes against or doesn’t agree with my advice,
creating disconnection with family and clients alike.
c. I think I should implement processes and new knowledge perfectly, and when things get tough,
I want to give up, like an immature child who shouldn’t be asked to do too much.
d. It’s hard to build my business with this knee-jerk reaction to the volatility of life.
Worthy Self-Advocate Behaviors:
a. I realize life owes me no particular favors, and I’m grateful for all I currently have and am.
I keep a gratitude journal daily.
b. I have preferences for how I'd like life to unfold, but I’m OK if nothing changes because
I truly appreciate life as it IS unfolding, without strong attachments to outcomes.
c. I express gratitude and compliments freely and know that life is not a competition.
d. I can let go of the comparisons to others; I am unique and all I need to focus on is being
more loving and accepting of myself today than I was yesterday.
e. When I reach out to others, I do so in a spirit of love, and I know I’m worthy whether
they receive my love and/or return it. No one can reject me, except me.
Would you like to Transform into a Worthy-Self Advocate?
Life will continue to unfold. The only way to change our quality of life is to change US.
If you'd like to transform some aspect of your life, such as feeling
worthy, but not the martyr or entitled....
please come to our Frontier to Freedom workshop that we offer
quarterly. The next one is Thursday, 8/9 at 5pm.