Are You an Enabler?

Have you noticed that some people's energy is almost palpable? 

You can feel it so clearly.  The more I work with people and their energy, the more noticeable it is.
My husband, Steve, shoots pool on Thursday evenings, and there is this guy on the league who
has low "energy."  I noticed that Steve had offered to pick this guy up on the way to league a few times because he didn't have a car.  Steve had also arranged to play in a special partners tournament that happens once monthly with this guy. The first time the guy stood him up by sleeping in, and it really upset Steve.  This past weekend, he decided to give him (we'll call him Tom) a second chance.  The night before Steve called to confirm he'd be ready to go in the morning, and he had trouble getting a hold of him. 

Once he finally did, Tom danced around the issue, saying he'd probably be better off going to a roofing job, so he could make money. Then Tom said that he would play if he thought they'd win.  Steve commented on how this guy never wanted to make any decisions.  Well, the next morning, he went to pick up Tom, and there was again no answer at the door to his apartment. Steve was infuriated, and it left him scrambling to find a new partner at the last minute, which he did.  He left a not-too-kind message on his phone, and Tom never apologized when Steve saw him at Thursday night pool league the next time.

So just last night Steve told me that he'd be picking up the same fella and dropping him off.  I questioned why he was enabling him, and he said that he sees things differently than I do.  He said they needed him for league and he was just helping out a guy down on his luck.  Seems innocuous enough, right? So last night when he got home, this guy was on his mind, and he asked me what he could say to him to help him out.  He said Tom reminded him of his brother, Jim, who recently passed away in February of a drug overdose.  He hadn't been able to help Jim either.

I told him that Tom had to want to help himself and to be cautious who he hangs out with, as we tend to become like the 5 people we're around the most. Then this morning I could tell that Steve's energy was way off.  His interactions with Tom had been eating at him, and he began to see it was because he felt sorry for Tom and was trying to save or rescue him.  I also believe when we are in the presence of low energies like feelings of failure, depression, and anger, these energies can rub off on us.

I told Steve that I have a little trick to help with this.  You can intentionally brush off energy by using your palms and sweeping it off your body.  It's a way of saying, I'm returning this energy to the environment, and I'm preserving my own. Some might think this is a snobbish approach, to stay away from people with energy like Tom's.  My view is simply that I am not enlightened enough to remain at a high energy state if I'm subjected to a low energy state for a prolonged period of time. And the best way I can serve Tom is to pray for him from a distance, saying ho'oponopono, "Whatever part of me created the suffering I see in Tom, I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you."

Basically, I'm saying that I'm 100% responsible for the suffering I perceive in others because we are all connected and one.  I'm not better than Tom.  I'm perhaps just more aware, and instead of feeling sorry for him, the best service I can give him is to believe he can figure this life thing out, and if he can't, that's okay too.

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To your growth,



Angie Monko
314-422-6520