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My daughter, Maddie (22) who recently passed away on 10/26/18
from double pneumonia/cystic fibrosis continues to teach me so
I read a daily inspiration from a book called Meditations for Women
Who Do Too Much (by Anne Schaef), that my friend MollieShea gave to me.
Here is what it says for today, November 20:
You must not think that I feel, in spite of it having ended in such
defeat, that my "life has been wasted" here, or that I would
exchange it with that of anyone I know. --Isak Dinesen
One of the most important aspects of our lives is that they are our lives.
No one else could live them exactly the way we are living them. Everything
that happens in our lives is an opportunity for learning. Those moments of
frustration often turn into moments of joy and creativity.
What an extraordinary experience it is to look back and truly feel that we can
celebrate our lives--all of them...."
It almost feels like Maddie is directly talking to me through this quote.
Due to the prompting of my friend, Karen Hoffman, to buy this book called
The Power of 8, Maddie and I gathered together a healing circle of close
friends and family to send her loving intention and energy.
We met on Saturdays virtually beginning August 11. Maddie just loved
that we did this on her behalf. She shared how much it helped her to feel
loved and supported.
We also wrote the intention for her that I read each time. The last line in
the intention read: She is finally free! About 3 weeks prior to her transition,
I began to get more and more uncomfortable reading this. I felt as if I was
giving her permission to die and be "free" that way.
So I changed it to: Maddie is finally free in life! Around the same time,
Maddie joined one of our calls and made this statement: "I am at peace.
I want for nothing!" She made it very clear that her main intention wasn't
to heal her lungs but to be okay with whatever happened.
As her mom, I really didn't like this on an EGO level, because I wanted
her to stay around. I had other plans for her. But subconsciously, I felt
she was getting to leave this realm.
So let's go back to the quote by Isak. He is saying don't think that just
because my life may appear to have ended in defeat, I didn't waste it
and I wouldn't change it for anything.
Maddie had told me in the last few months that we'd given her the best
life possible. On the last birthday card she gave me on 9/23/18, the card's
writing read as follows: Mommy, she can be a daughter's best friend, a
best friend, and a lifelong friend, but the truth is, "friend" doesn't even
begin to cover it.
You're a part of me. A kindred spirit. Someone who's shaped every
part of my life. And there's only one word that comes close to telling
the whole loving, laugh-filled story--Mommy.
Then she wrote in her own words:
"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
My mommy is the best,
better than all the rest!!!!
Happy 49th Birthday!
Man, you're getting old :)
I just want to say how
lucky I am to have a mommy
like you! I know I'm a bitch
and I can be a baby a lot
of the time, but you love me
and treat me well anyway.
Thanks for showing me my
worth and that I do deserve
to be treated well. If it
weren't for you I wouldn't
be where I am today. You
are everything to me and
I love you the most
in the whole wide world.XOXOXO
This card entitles you to:
--two 30 minute swooning sessions
--Gift at spoonriver
--Endless love from me:) !!!"
Maddie was teaching us all that life doesn't have to
look a certain way to be useful. Her life may appear to
have ended in defeat that her lungs failed her, but that
would not be the truth.
Lungs die, but love never fails. Maddie had a tattoo on her
right shoulder that said Love Never Fails.
If you want to honor Maddie, come out to our Transformation
Game on Friday, 11/30/18. We have 10 spots left. They will
fill up fast when I put out sign up sheet this Saturday for her
This Saturday, 11/24/18 is Maddie's Celebration of Life at
Medici Space at 5pm. If you are planning to come, please reply
here and RSVP if you haven't already.